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Yea....that's me on the weekends.
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The Last Peanut |
 Monday, June 21, 2004
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Almost Sane,
But I’m Working on It
A tingling sensation overwhelms my left arm as I lift it up with my right hand and place it straight next to my body. I fell asleep on my arm again. I hate it when that happens. I roll over on my back and slowly open my eyes. I begin to sit up as my eyes adjust to the light. I look straight, expecting to see the glowing red lines of my digital clock, telling me that I’m late for school, but it’s not there. In fact, the entire wall is gone! I look around. “What the crap…” I whisper to myself. “Stay cool, there’s probably a video camera somewhere in here.” There is nothing but shiny white ground as far as my eyes could see. No, wait … they’re clouds. Clouds?
“Hello!” I scream. No response. I stand up and yell again. “Hey! Is anybody there?!” Still nothing. I stand up and take a look at myself. I'm fully intact; there are no missing appendages, no abnormal growths; everything seems to be in order, except my clothes are missing. I don’t recall anyone ever wanting to kidnap me. I must have had a lot of fun last night; I don’t remember how I got here. Maybe I’ve finally gone insane. I suppose it is about time, but I could have sworn it would be at least a couple more years.
“Well God damn it…what do I do now?” I ask myself. I hear an electric device power up somewhere behind me. A sharp pain suddenly consumes the back of my head. My body falls limp for a split second and I let out a quiet cough, too startled to scream.
“Watch your language!” A booming voice fills the atmosphere.
“What the fuck what that?!” I demand as I reach back behind my ear. I find a small electronic device graphed into my skin. “What is this?! What kind of sick joke is this?!”
“I am God.”
“Yeah right, get me out of here before I sue your ass. And where are my clothes You sick bastard! I bet you were taking pictures of me to jack off to later, weren’t you! Damn, I wouldn’t be surprised. And what is this crap behind my ear?”
“Like I said, I am God. You have chosen to ignore me throughout your life, now you still deny me even though I appear before you.”
“Well no shit, aren’t we all? Why don’t you prove it!”
“Very well.”
The clouds above me turn black and the hair on my arms and head become erect.
“…Oh crap. Just kidding!—”
What must have been the fattest lightning bolt ever comes from the clouds and slaps me on the head. I feel an unbearable burning sensation. I fall to my knees and grab what remains of my charred hair.
“Holy shit!” I scream as the electronic charging sound starts up again. “Oh no…” My body curls up and I grab my knees and grit my teeth to bear the pain.
“Are you satisfied now?” The voice booms in once again.
After a moment, I sit up, stunned. “Is this for real? Am I really dead?”
“Sorry Austin, this is the truth. You have died and now you must undergo judgment.”
“Yeah….of course…” I mumble, dazed and confused. I gather myself and stand up again. “Wasn’t that overdoing it a bit! I thought you were supposed to be nice!”
“Hey! You’re in my house now, and you must play by my rules! It seems as though you are a special case and need to be judged individually.”
“Wait a second, you’re God?! You exist!”
“No shit.” A jury bench emerges from beneath the clouds and is filled with random people in white robes and wings. Those must be angels.
“Whoa, hey now Mr. Perfect, how is it that you get to swear without getting your brains electrocuted?”
“I am God.”
“Of course, how could I forget. So anyway, how does this thing work? I thought I should be in hell by now then if I’m dead.”
“You are a special case.”
“Awwww, thanks. But why is that, your highness?”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. What would you rather I call you? My almighty super duper Lord?”
“You can be normal and call me Lord, Father, or just plain God is fine.”
“You know, you’ve got some kind of superiority complex if you ask me. Why can’t we treat you as an equal? I mean, I guess we aren’t, but still, it would be much nicer of you. Aren’t you supposed to be like, really nice anyways?”
“I love you all as a parent, and like a parent, I require respect.”
“Yeah, but it’s still not nice. If you’re so loving, why can’t you treat us as equals? That’s what my Dad does. Even for really complicated decisions, if I would ask him his reasoning, he would always tell me an answer, even if he knew I wouldn’t be able to understand it. Over time though, I would be able to understand more and more, until I could even respond to his reasoning and question him. Like that one time with my vegetables."
"Vegetables?"
"Yeah, of course when I was younger I complained when I had excess greens on my plate and I'd always ask why I had to eat them. My mom would just tell me that 'It's good for you! Eat it!' My dad, however, would be able to tell me the types of nutrients found in each particular vegetable and the effect it has on my health. I asked him if I could eat other foods instead. He would list other foods, usually other vegetables, which contained the same nutrients and we would come to an agreement where if I agreed to finish the current plate, we would get the agreed upon foods next time. That type of conversation with my Dad allowed me to appreciate reason and logic, which I hold as very important values. Why don’t you do the same?! Why don’t you share your reasons with us?!”
“You’ll understand in time.”
“What kind of answer is that?! That’s something my mom would say. She would always be telling be things like ‘Hurry and eat your noodles or else they’ll grow and you won’t be able to finish them.’ They would be things which aren’t even true, but she would say them because it encourages the behavior she wants. But the thing is, I would ask her why she says that kind of lie instead of telling me the truth, but I was never able to get a straight answer.”
“All you do is complain, don’t you?”
“Why don’t you go cry to your mommy about it.”
“Don’t make me shock you again. We’re giving you a chance to be admitted into heaven, you should be grateful!”
“Yeah, okay. But can I get some clothes first? I feel kind of…well…naked.”
“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. You know I exist everywhere at every time.”
*cough* “Pervert”
“Well, aren’t you clever. Look, we’ve been trying to decide your admission into Heaven, but for some reason we can’t understand you, I think it has something to do with that free will thing; I knew I was making a mistake with that. So I ask you, why did you reject me while you were alive? Why did you wish to work to destroy my existence? What drove you to do such things? Describe to us, what has made you the way you are. Tell us your reasoning and we will decide if you deserve admittance into heaven.”
“Well…you’re asking a lot. I mean, lots of things contributed to make me who I am… er… who I was.”
“You can use present tense.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Describe the main events, then we will decide if you are truly evil, or just misunderstood.”
“Well, because you asked me why I didn’t like you while I was alive, I’ll begin with that. When I was young, my mom used to send me to church every week. This is before I can remember, so I have to go by what she tells me. According to her story, however, I started coming home and telling everyone that ‘God gave us this, we should be thankful.’ And ‘God gave us that, we should praise him’.”
“As you well should have.”
“Hey! Who’s telling the story here? Anyway, she said that it made her worry. As I look back on it, I’m very glad that my mom stopped taking me to church. It sounds like I was just a little kid being brainwashed by that stuff.”
“But why was your mother scared? It is only natural for a child to recognize his maker and caretaker.”
“Well, she is very open to different types of beliefs. Her mother had forced her to go to a temple when she was young and she hated it. When she grew up, she explored many different religions on her own and decided that the Christian religion would be the best for life in America. She felt that I was too weak minded, too young, or too easily brainwashed to go to church. Why did you have to make religion so illogical anyways?! Why couldn’t you have made it so that it was easy to believe? I mean, you make it so hard for some people like me, and then you give such a harsh punishment for being myself. That doesn’t seem fair to me.”
“Life’s not fair.”
“Well, I’m dead aren’t I? What now?”
“Death’s not fair.”
“Argh! Whatever! But that’s not the only event which gave me my belief, or rather, non belief in, well … you. I have a friend named James, you know who I’m talking about?”
“Of course.”
“Yes…of course. So he’s a really religious guy, as I’m sure you know. We would always argue over our beliefs. I couldn’t see his belief as logical, and he couldn’t consider my logic as plausible. For example, we were arguing about life needing a purpose. I saw it as more plausible that life didn’t have a purpose; that life didn’t need a purpose. I was fine entertaining the thought that things are all governed by natural and mathematical laws which determine what is going to happen. To me, things happen, they don’t need to happen for a reason. James, however, saw it illogical to think this way. He saw life with a meaning and purpose as more logical. We differ on many logical decisions such as this. I’ve also realized that such basic logical decisions determined ultimately if one were going to be able to accept a religion as true. To me however, my logic was based on evidence which could be seen in the current world. All his evidence came from the bible. I mean, that book is well written and all, but to have that as your only piece of evidence seems questionable to me. Plus, I’ve heard there are a lot of inconsistencies in it, I mean, I thought you were perfect? Did you even proof read it!?”
“I’d like to see you do better.”
“True. So you see, a lot of the logical connections needed for me to believe in you, I was lacking. I guess you could call me ‘defective’.”
“You can say that again.”
“Yeah, garbage in garbage out, Master."
"Lord."
"Whatever. Oh, and another event. You know about Christine right? What was the deal with that? She was the most devout religious person I’ve ever known. And she was killed in a car accident on her way to a religious retreat! Why did you let that happen? Or did you even care?! It seemed to me that you either didn't exist, or you were a sick bastard. What's the deal with that?!”
“You’ll understand in time.”
“Yea, I bet.”
“You must not hate what you don’t understand.”
“Right… so as you can see, you didn’t really give me much to work with. I don’t see how you can complain about me not believing in you! From that basis of non-believing came my motivation and my search for a possible purpose in life, which is the thing I think you have a problem with.”
“Could you explain that in more detail?”
“So you see, because I didn’t believe in your religions, it meant that I didn’t believe in an afterlife. Well, at least an afterlife as I am currently experiencing. I thought that the short time I had on Earth was all I was ever going to have. I didn’t want it to end.”
“So this made you angry?”
“Well, how would you feel if you knew you were going to die and be turned into nothingness? But some good did come from it. I valued my time very much because I felt I had so little of it. I tried to make sure I enjoyed every moment of it and I tried to make sure I did my best at everything I did, whether that was playing a game or studying for a test. I’m sure you have no idea how it might feel to have a limit on time, since you are pretty much the opposite, huh?”
“That’s like asking a mouse what it feels like to be playing poker with a horse.”
“You’re a strange guy, you know that?”
“Return to your story.”
“Well sorrrrry Mr. God. So you see, knowing that I only had a limited, short time to spend on Earth, I figured I could take either of two paths. One path was to have as much fun as I could, you know, do the drinking thing, the pot, the partying. But the other path was to plan for the future and try to make sense of this life by living as long as I could and experiencing as many things as I could in hopes of possibly making sense of the world through knowledge. I had chosen the second path, but I tried to have fun on the way as well, just in case I happen to have a sudden end, like right now. But you see, I’m very curious by nature. I want to know how things work, when, how, and if the human race will end. I want to know what is going to happen. I’ve thought long and hard about where I could have gotten this attribute from, but the only source I could think of was my inability to get things to work out my way. Like when I was playing with my Legos or building blocks, I would put the blocks a certain way, but the structure was too weak and it would fall down. Eventually I learned the rules and used them to make Lego and block buildings the way I wanted them. I found that through understanding I was able to get things done my way. I learned that through knowledge came the ability to conquer. Putting these two ideas together, the short time here, and the curiosity, I was naturally attracted to the aspect of nanotechnology, cryogenics, and, as you might put it, trying to ignore the possibility of an afterlife. As I’m sure you know, bio-nanotechnology offered me a possibility for an answer to my problem of only having a short time on Earth. It seems to have the potential to allow humans to live indefinitely through microscopic machines which are able to regenerate human tissues. Cryogenics offered me a possibility for revival if the nanotechnology did not advance enough in my own life time by preserving my body after death. Hey, that means I should be frozen right now then, huh? What if they revive me, then I believe in you, then I die again?”
“The original ruling will still stand.”
“Darn. Well, as you can piece together, I wanted technology to be available so that I could have the possibility of living longer than my genetically allotted time. Making that my life goal, I planned on going into research to uncover the information needed to pursue such a goal.”
“Very interesting. So what made you choose the path of long term planning rather than the short plan of having fun all the time?”
“Well, that’s kind of personal.”
“Do you forget who you’re talking to?”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry. So you see, as “desperate for sympathy” as this might sound, I’ve never been very good with the ladies, if you know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Of course. I mean, I’ve never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, although that one time, my friend kind of trip-intentional kissed my earlobe when she was piss drunk at about four in the morning, but I don’t think that really counts. But the message here is that I’m just not really good in that area. Plus, I’m really picky, so that doesn’t help much either. My fear was that I would end up eighty years old, single, and living in an apartment where I would walk around all day in my underwear. If I hadn’t died just now, what would my life have been like when I am eighty?”
“Pretty much like how you described. Although you would have pee stains on your underwear.”
“Well damn…I guess I made the right decision then. It was this, the fact that I’m not too great with the ladies that attributed to my choice of path. The first path, having fun and ‘sinning’ all the time, was looking harder and harder for me to do, especially without the ability to woo the opposite sex. So I figure, if I can’t go the path of greatest pleasure, I could at least take my other path, the desire for knowledge. I will study as hard as I could and learn as much as I could. I figure that one path I know I can do is better than another path which I may never be able to get on.”
“Very good. We will need a few moments to calculate your result.”
“Oh, but I still have one more experience to tell you about. It isn’t really a value, but it was an experience which made me the way I am.”
“Very well, let’s hear it.”
“It makes me feel like a chatty school girl to talk about mindless drama such as this, but this event really did affect the kind of person I am today. It all started in the spring time of senior year. This story revolves around the six of us, me, two of my guy friends, and three girls. All three of the girls are in love with guy number one, although they all denied it for fear of making the other girls angry. The ‘senior prom’ was coming around and of course my friend had his first pick. So everything works out, they both like each other and perfection had been reached. One of the other girls asked my other friend, but they didn’t like each other like that, so it was pretty cool. So then we have me and that other girl. It seemed perfect, no? We both needed dates, and her friends said she didn’t have anyone in mind to ask. So I get to know her a little better and yes, I was fairly attracted to her. So I asked her and everything was supposed to be cool, until strange forces started to kick in. Ever since I asked her, she would start being, well…very impolite. For example, a group of friends and I were hanging out and two of them left to go get food. There was an awkward silence. So I’m like “Sooooo….anything new with you guys?” So I thought that it was an alright way to start a new conversation. But the response I received was, ‘You know, you don’t have to say something just because nobody else is talking.’ I was kind of stunned. She had never acted like that before. I was just acting normally. It was as if I had insulted her somehow. I didn’t understand the problem, perhaps it was some woman thing. So at the time I just kept quiet. I later asked one of her friends about it and she had no clue why she was being, what I like to call now, a bitch.”
“Come now, don’t call her a bitch, she obviously liked you too.”
“Really? That’s a funny way of showing it. I’ll never understand these females…”
“Well, keep trying for the females because we don’t allow fags in heaven.”
“What did you just say?! Did you just call homosexuals fags?!”
“What? You didn’t know I hate fags?”
“Well, I heard rumors…but I never expected…”
“Well, now you know.”
“Alright...well, back to my story. Incidents like this happened over and over again, and each time I didn’t do anything about it. I didn’t understand what was happening; she was so nice in the past. So as prom approached, it only got worse and worse. I didn’t even want to go with her the day of prom, but I figured it would be too mean to ditch her then.”
“You know you still liked her.”
“Well, I suppose I did, but she was sure testing me. She would get mad at other people and take out her frustration on me. I mean ON me, not with me. Then she sat at a different table and almost ignored me the entire time, except when wanting my jacket of course; it was on a boat and was pretty cold. Alright, so I was pissed. This was when I first learned to stand up for myself. I asked her what her problem was, after the prom had past. She told me that she was annoyed about how submissive I was and the fact that I didn’t confront her when she first pissed me off. It didn’t make sense to me, but I tried to change. However, things kept getting worse and worse. It seemed that my friends had to act as marriage counselors for us, and we weren't even going out! I confronted her time and time again and complained about her treatment towards me. This was about the time I could start articulating my argument. The previous arguments we’ve had, she had basically dominated with her statements, which I let pass because I still wasn’t good at argument and I tried not to offend her. So I gradually learned how to disprove her points and reinforce my points. I would tell her with the most probable, logical steps that she was wrong. I was able to stand up for myself. Eventually she must have either given up or recognized the error of her ways. She told me that she liked me and that was the reason she was mean to me. She was trying to change me to be like how she wanted. Okay, so I guess her plan worked. I wasn’t submissive anymore, only problem was that I was pissed. I didn’t like her methods and I didn’t like her. She was simply “that bitch” to me. She would keep telling me that she would change. And I gave her multiple chances, each time she couldn’t separate from her old self. So I just got tired of it. This is where I learned how to avoid my “drama” problems entirely. I just didn’t handle it anymore. I told her that we aren’t friends anymore because the way she is treating me causes me more discomfort than it counteracts in “friendship-ness”, although I’m sure I didn’t use those words exactly. So from that, I learned that I have to stick up for myself and that nobody else will do so for me. That event also taught me how to speak my thoughts and to voice my opinion.”
“Wow, you really do suck with the ladies.”
“Yea, rub salt on my wounds why don’t you.”
“Well, you have described in enough detail how you have become the person you have become. Now we will decide your fate.”
“It’s that simple huh? I guess I’ll just have a look around while I wait.” I stand up and test the buoyancy of the ground with my heel. Kind of soft and fluffy. I crouch down and lick the floor.
“Just what do you think you’re doing?” God wonders out loud.
“Come on, don’t you know by now? I’m just curious about how it tastes. It’s not like I’m going to get sick and die by licking the floor now.”
“You’re a strange kid.”
The floor tastes like sweaty pillow, which is strange because I would think that it would taste more like marshmallows. My eyes open once again and I’m peering through my eye lashes through the small crack between my eyelids downward into my pillow.
It was just a dream? How stupid of me, it must have been a dream; there’s no such thing as a second chance.
Posted by Austin Day on 6/21/04; 9:11:17 PM
from the dept.
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Ah, so I went on friday night with my parents and one of their friends, who seems to be really into theater. I couldn't understand what was happening msot of the time, but during intermission she was able to bring me up to speed. I didn't realize the play was over when it was, hah, I totally didn't see that one coming... I think I have low oral comprehension or something, or maybe it was just this huge pimple in my right ear that is blocking the sound. so annoying... Anyway, I liked the parts of the play I understood. Favorite quote "She's old enough to vote on her back." Hahahah!! I loved that line. I mean...I suppose it's not like...original to that play, but it was the first time I heard it. Ahh... good play. That "little" girl looked so cute! Well, she's actually a really old lady huh...? But it was just the way she acted. I think guys are attracted to that "innocent" look. Ironic how the one goal of most guys is to take away that innocence. mmm...anyways... Yea, good play. It was the first one I've ever been to I think. Professional play, that is. I've seen like...plays in 4th grade assemblies and stuff, but I didn't count those.
Posted by Austin Day on 6/21/04; 9:09:03 PM
from the dept.
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| Wednesday, June 16, 2004
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I've got my information, but I don't know how to structure it. If I just write it out, it seems too plain to me. It'd just be like me telling my story. But...I guess that's what we're supposed to do?? I dunno...
Posted by Austin Day on 6/16/04; 6:38:02 PM
from the dept.
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Pleasant, bright, cheerful and happy,
Until I reach my class.
I hesitate and feel crappy,
For I fear my teacher is an ass.
I don’t want to come today,
But my grade is on the line.
I just want to go and play,
But this poem was assigned.
I sit in class and wonder why,
He talks so long without an aim.
I dream that I could say goodbye,
I ponder why I even came.
I arrive home and tell myself,
That I just can’t stand this teacher.
He is so incredibly full of himself,
And he reminds me of a preacher.
I find myself, while walking to class,
Wishing illness upon his head.
Then I wouldn’t have to see his ass,
Because he’d be stuck in bed.
Damn this guy! I yell out loud.
He is starting to get on my nerves.
On my life I will now vow,
That he’ll get what he deserves.
I wear a mask each day of school,
To hide my feelings of hate.
I hope they find his body in a pool,
In which I will urinate.
I spend my days behind this smile,
But I feel no mercy at all.
I can only express my true feelings while,
Burning off legs of things that crawl.
Before finals will be the time,
When Teacher will meet his fate.
It will be the perfect crime,
Now I just need to set a date.
I can look up his address online,
And find out where he spends his time.
Next week at six, or perhaps at nine,
I will visit him at such a time.
Or I’ll bring my weapons into class,
To finally put a cap in his ass.
I have a gun, you doubt me right?
I keep it in case I get in a fight.
You think I’m kidding,
You laugh, inert.
Don’t you think a bullet would hurt?
I’m angry at the entire world,
And I’m ready to take out my pain.
My intentions are now unfurled,
You think I’m trying to entertain?
I’m sick, screwy, a bit unzipped,
I believe my mind has begun to slip.
At six next week, while he’s asleep in bed,
I’ll give him a shot right though his head.
Or will you put me into jail instead?
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I don’t really like the teacher.
A common experience for any college student. I, for example, greatly disagree with many teaching methods I have encountered in my education.
These assignments are boring.
A statement more self evident that the last. A student will no doubt have to take classes which he doesn’t find interesting or entertaining. This unavoidably introduces boring assignments.
I think I’m going to ditch class.
It is a common act for students to do. In fact, I believe I am doing so at this exact moment.
I hope class is canceled today.
This is a thought I keep in the back of my mind before the beginning of almost all classes.
Maybe the teacher will get sick.
It is less common for me to wish illness on a teacher. But when a project is due, or a test is ready to be given, my mind may resort to such a hope.
What is this teacher’s problem?
Of course, when a student gets back that paper with the unfair grade, or the test with the seemingly impossible questions, he or she might blame the teacher for his own faults.
Damn, I hate that teacher.
This is another, more emotional response to a bad grade in a class. I’ve had my fair share of such experiences.
I hope the teacher gets in an accident.
This is probably less common for the ideal student. But I myself have entertained my own ill wishes upon teachers.
This guy needs to get hurt.
A student in Michigan was suspended from school for posting a “mission” on his website instructing others to “Stab someone for no reason then set them on fire, throw them off of a cliff, watch them suffer with their last breath, (and) just before everything goes black, spit on their face.”
This guy is going to learn a lesson.
Walnut Creekofficials charge a 14-year old boy for writing “Maybe I should kill him and urinate on his remains.” (Referring to a teacher.)
I wish the teacher were dead.
Student Robin Boim was expelled from Roswell High for writing a personal journal entry about a student who fell asleep in class and dreamed of killing a teacher.
I’m capable of killing.
San Francisco officials arrested George T. for writing "For I can be the next kid to bring funs to kill students at school ... For I am Dark, Destructive & Dangerous." [4]
People are going to die.
Dylan Finkle, a student at Thompson Middle School was suspended for writing threats in an essay on a violent novel.
I’m going to kill the teacher.
High School student was suspended for writing an essay about starting a riot and killing the principal.
I’m going to shoot him in the head.
A student named Robertson was charged for writing a story with detailed plans for an armed invasion of the school, including specific people to kill.
I killed the teacher. He’s dead.
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…
The views expressed in this essay are not shared by the individual Austin Day. The ideas are in no way connected to the cognitive thinking process of Austin Day. He is merely the author. <o:p></o:p>
The purpose behind this piece is to give examples of increasingly violent thoughts and threats in the context of language arts. In all examples of “violent expression” though language and art found, none of them resulted in actual violent acts.
Real violence seems to stem from reasons; isn’t that a surprise? One reason could be the example of Daryl Gray, a student who fought back after years of being physically abused by other students. Another example would be the well known incident of Columbine high school. The report indicates that neighbors had reported previous to the attacks, that the students were collecting guns and bombs, clear evidence of true intent. Various other reports tell the tale of the socially outcast students who wanted revenge on the school. Regardless of what the reasons were, the fact remains that each did have a reason, and with the reason came true intent.
A close friend of mine, whose name will remain unknown, has been through this type of experience. He had told me all about being picked on, looked down upon, made fun of, and being racially prejudged. My impression of him: This was one angry guy. However, he never was violent, although he did express his violent thoughts of revenge to me. But the fact remains that he himself only talked about such things and never acted on them. He writes a lot of poetry, short stories, and keeps close friends to which he is able to express his feelings. I asked him why he has never gone through with any of the threats that he proposes. I make it sound like I’m calling him a wimp, to test how strongly sealed his anger really was. After a barrage of playful insults and being called an ass, the answer that I got was that after he had talked about it, or wrote it down, basically after getting it out somehow, he always felt better and never felt he needed to go through with it. He had reasons, but even so, he didn’t perform violent acts because he was able to express himself and get it out of his system.
However “dark” expressive artwork may be, it seems to me that such expression is beneficial. The anger building up within potentially violent individuals is released through different art forms. By restricting such outlets, the authority may actually be encouraging such violence, rather than preventing it.
Disclaimer:
If my mind has thus pissed off,
Just think of this, and do not scoff.
That while you have but slept here,
This essay did magically appear.
And this feeble and boring paper,
Was nothing but a passing vapor.
Posted by Austin Day on 6/16/04; 6:31:18 PM
from the dept.
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| Monday, June 7, 2004
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Kinda confused! I dont' know what to write about! My paper #2 didn't have enough specific examples and stuff. I don't even know how I could have included evidence for my arguement, it was more like a story telling about my logical argument. So I've learned that I have to write about an arguement, and that the arguement must be backed up by hardcore facts, and that this has to be done in a form of writing which is "risky". But the main thing I was thinking about was the evidence thing... I can't think of a good argument with enough evidence!! I mean....so what if I like...wrote an essay anazyling the grading methods of Mr. Lovas and I used "hardcore" evidence from previous papers and their number grades? Would he be offended? Would I be accurate? Would I be totally off? I wonder what I would get... Does that count as arriving from class discussions? mmm...papers....aahhhH!!!! Why is it so hard to think of a good topic?! We've talked about young misguided poets who lang themselves in juvy for a couple months, we've talked about how people need to get back to their roots by going back to nature. Mmmm...and we've read a lot of peotry which I usually either don't understand, dont' care enough to understand, or it's message I just find terribly boring and see no place for an argument. ... HELP!
Posted by Austin Day on 6/7/04; 7:09:11 PM
from the dept.
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| Wednesday, June 2, 2004
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| Sunday, May 30, 2004
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Michael's response:
"*smiles*
I think you got Einstein's meaning wrong, simply because I find it hard to believe the man would oppose a theory because it focused on something other than what he was investigating. However, that says nothing about reasoning: Einstein seems to have held a rather unorthodox set of beliefs in God, which I haven't managed to read up on (I usually don't study people; I simply read what others have wrote about them.), and he also made a simple assertion: when he said "God does not play dice," I think he meant that all things can be determined. What's the logic behind that? (Incidentally, if you're curious to know the answer, a friend of mine wrote a great essay on that very subject, and gives an excellent set of reasoning for it.)"
My response to the response:
The Elegant Universe, by Brian Greene
Pg. 107-108
"According to quantum mechanies, the universe evolves according to a rigorous and precise mathematical formalism, but this framework determines only the probability that any particular future will happen - not which future actually ensues.
Many find this conclusion troubling or even downright unacceptable. Einstein was one. In one of physics most time-honored utterances, Einstein admonished the quantum stalwarts that "God does not play dice with the Universe." He felt that probability was turning up in fundamental physics because of a stuble version of the reason it turns up at the roulette wheel: some basic incompleteness in our understanding. The universe, in Einstein's view, had no room for a future whose precise form involves an element of chance. Physics could predict how the universe evolves, not merely the likelihood that any particular evolution might occur. But experiment after experiment - some of the most convincing ones being carried out after his death - convincingly confirm that Einstein was wrong. As the British theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking has said, on this point: "Einstein was confused, not the quantum theory.""
So...that's how I got what I said. So...uhhh...I thought the original response said that even the "greats" didn't have proof of their beliefs, then the quote was used to support that because it was Einstein's "belief" that "God did not play dice..." when he had no proof. Okay, so that's how I understood it. I was saying that Einstein did have proof and logical connection through his own theory of relativity. So....mmm...I'm kinda confused. Do we even have an arguement here? (and "the logic behind that" is the theory of relativity as well.) Kind of like, if everything is made up of matter, and all matter follows concrete rules, then the fate of the universe has already been determined by the position of the matter at "the beginning", whatever that is. And I believe that this is what my quote was saying, that Einstein was a supporter of that way of thinking. So when theory based on probability came up, he was opposed to it.
Posted by Austin Day on 5/30/04; 11:23:38 AM
from the dept.
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| Monday, May 24, 2004
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Open space, with room to run.
Looks to me like a lot of fun.
It isn’t more beautiful.
It isn’t unique.
It isn’t much more
than what we see on the street.
What makes this place so different from our own?
Just because it’s “wild” and zoned?
I can see such beauty looking out from the city
With all the lights that make it so pretty.
I’m not getting far in what I wish to say.
So this is the part of the poem that isn’t going to rhyme.
Because I’m having a really hard time.
And I don’t want to waste my time.
It’s all the same stuff, it’s just how you look at it.
Natural beauty can be seen anywhere.
It is the sharp curves on city buildings,
It is the street lamps all lined along a street,
It is the engineering in this computer you’re using.
So as of now, I’m sure you’re aware
That I suck at poetry, I must declare.
But if you can do better, go right ahead
As for me, I’m going to bed.
Posted by Austin Day on 5/24/04; 11:42:40 PM
from the dept.
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| Saturday, May 22, 2004
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(To which I wonder at the passion of the captains of science in its primal state. Leibniz, Maxwell, Bohr, Einstein. Did they always give reasons for their beliefs? Einstein said, "God does not play dice." And we know he was Jewish.)
Mmmm...I'm not entirely sure, but I'm pretty sure that the quote used "God does not play dice." Doesn't refer to Einstein having a belief which wasn't supported by his logic. As I recall, that quote was referring to Einstein’s position vs quantum theory. Part of quantum theory includes an idea that on the scales of the very small (somewhere around the Plank length, I think that I read someplace that if you were to blow up an atom to the size of the earth, the Plank length would be about the size of a tall tree) At that size, random energy fluctuations were believed to occur (because they helped smooth out the theory). This is also a property used by Stephen Hawking in his theory of virtual particles. But yea, the fluctuations are supposed to be randomly occurring all throughout space. This theory opposed Einstein’s theory of relativity, which was very good at describing things on the very large scale. Quantum theory was good at describing things on the very small scale, thus, Einstein couldn’t believe in the quantum theory because it opposed his own theory. Thus “God does not play dice.” Means that these random fluctuations could not exist because the force behind the universe (God, apparently), won’t allow for random occurrences. So Einstein had reason for his belief, his reason was his entire theory of relativity and how that theory cannot coexist with quantum theory.
I'm not that good at interpreting things very either, so ... I might have gotten the entire meaning behind Michael's use of the quote backwards, in which case,... uhh.... Oops?
Posted by Austin Day on 5/22/04; 4:19:40 PM
from the dept.
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From Here
Ah yes…the world is full of people who enjoy senseless violence. And in this case, it doesn’t seem to me that the maid inflicted the injuries herself. But determining what really happened is a problem in abuse, murder, and other such cases; because there are a lot of weirdoes out there. My solution (ya know I just have to include this) is very unsympathetic. Anyone convicted of any crime in which they purposely induce harm or put someone’s life in danger should be killed. (murders, random shooting people, intentional abuse, child abusers, wife abusers, well..just abusers, ummm…rapists, crack-heads with guns, random snipers, gang war people, etc…) It seems to me that anyone who would act on the thought of taking the life of another human or inducing harm for no apparent reason has something incredibly wrong with their ability to think, a deformation of the brain kinda. My solution would be to forcibly donate their bodies to a scientific organization (alive or dead, whichever is needed at the time) and allow them to be studied. Depending on the sophistication of the organization, they can either study behaviors they might share in common, common genes/genetics, common experiences, etc… I don’t know what else…that’s the job of the facility to figure out. But my point is, although I also feel that such people should “have splinters shoved up their nails and have their fingers slowly burnt off with a small flame of lighter.”, that has been the deterrent for undesirable behavior of the past; making “examples” of them to others. Now that we have technology which will allow us to discover more effective deterrents and prevention techniques, why shouldn’t we use them? But of course this solution won’t work because of human rights and stuff. But I just can’t get myself to consider people like that as conscious, human, sentient, or however I should say it. We are all just biological machines who respond to stimuli based on our programming. If that programming is damaged in some way, they should be eliminated. Now of course, if one were to take this thinking to another level, then yes, we would be looking at another Hitler. But I’m not saying we should “improve the human race by killing off the weak”, I’m saying that we should make the world safer for people who love life and allow them to live it with reduced chance of having it taken away from them. Anyone who would take the life of another doesn’t enjoy life enough to be allowed to live. And I do recognize the problems regarding the subjective limits on such a course of action. Like what kinds of crimes are considered those that are intentional, where should the line be drawn, etc… But yea, so I haven’t drawn out a detailed plan of this, I’m just placing the idea out there to be considered and modified.
Posted by Austin Day on 5/22/04; 4:07:27 PM
from the dept.
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| Tuesday, May 18, 2004
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Suicide Sucks
It’s just like being asleep, except you’re not asleep. Your eyes aren’t closed. You don’t see black, as I’m sure most would first imagine. You actually don’t see anything at all. You have just supported your country by sacrificing yourself in a suicide bombing. You are proud to have become a martyr! No wait, you’re not. You’re just dead. You don’t feel proud. You don’t feel anything at all. All senses have left you and you are now nothing. You are now to spend the rest of eternity in a void. No wait, eternity implies a sense of time. You are just nothing. You are not at peace, nor are you suffering. You are part of the inscrutable emptiness which is death. Make yourself at home.
There is a logical inconsistency with death. It is one thing that all living things are programmed to avoid. However, humans are unusual animals in that they will purposely bring about their own death if they are able to entertain the idea that they will benefit their group by doing so. What causes such people to give up their lives for something which they will never be able to experience? Sacrificial behavior, in many ways, is similar to the behavior of a virus. Not a virus in the general sense, but as a virus which is partially integrated into the human genome and first originates in the environment surrounding religion.
This “virus” must have come about with the origination of religion. The idea behind religion is for a group of people to come together and help and support each other. As these groups develop, the stories told in these groups become increasingly complex and tend to tell lessons learned by the group, which through experience has allowed the group to function more successfully. Examples of these lessons could be the Ten Commandments. At the same time, self-sacrificial behavior begins to develop. Groups would find that if individuals were willing to fight to defend their group or work hard to support their group, the group as a whole would benefit and tend to be more successful. This idea would be incorporated into the stories which bent and conformed to encourage the idea of self-sacrificing. These stories always include tales of individuals, more than groups of people, or other conceivable story subjects. The story of Jesus, Muhammad, and many others are all centralized around individuals who benefited their group. This has been so interwoven into current day human ideas that we cannot even consider a story without main characters as complete.
Most groups, or religions, have some sort of high power or deity in their stories as well. High powers make humans feel inferior and insignificant. That feeling of being a small part of the big picture is an important part of encouraging self-sacrificial behavior. If one has an inferiority complex due to being unimportant in the face of an omnipotent God, one would consider the survival of the group as much more important than the irrelevant survival of oneself. This is especially true and is exemplified by these actual responses to a survey question: “Why would you die for a cause?” (They had previously answered in the affirmative for “Would you die for a cause.”) The answers I received had a basic theme. “Cuz I could save a lot more people.” “Because I believe that it's only logical if more than one life can benefit from my sacrifice.” “Cuz my life is nothing when compared to the whole picture.” These responses were most likely derived from an inferiority complex having to do with early human religious deities.
Through many generations, these religious groups have selected for people who will conform to their beliefs, rather than believing differently and being cast out, and thus had an effect on the genetic makeup, on the average, of the group. This selection has favored people who are self-sacrificial over those who only take and don’t give. This genetic change is the idea of the virus. It was spawned in the origins of religion and made its way into our genetic makeup, where it reproduces in the guise of nationalism, racism, and patriotism.
Before a suicide bomber does his job, he is often recognized by his family and his group as a hero. He inspires others with his noble deed and allows everyone to reap the fruit of his sacrifice. Others see the fame, the idea of helping their group, and the social acceptability of a suicide act as a good thing. Others will see how he is remembered and will follow in his footsteps. Thus, the mental state of the original suicide bomber will have infiltrated into the susceptible minds of others. Just as a virus replicates inside of its host cell, the idea of self sacrifice lingers within the mind of the next suicide bomber. When a virus has reproduced enough, the cell breaks and many more viruses are released to infect other cells. After a bomber has completed his job, others are inspired by his act and the idea of self sacrifice for the whole has successfully replicated itself into the minds of others.
And thus, the viral cycle continues, however, it may not last far into the future. Advances in technology might render sacrificial behavior useless. Death has done its job though evolution to shape the people who exist today, who use sacrificial behavior as a survival trait. Up to a point, the ability to adapt to hardship through death has been more beneficial to our survival as a species than the accumulation of knowledge. Accumulated knowledge at an old age has not been adequate to surpass the barrier which holds humans back from developing technology to overcome disease and old age. At the point where knowledge overtakes death as the primary survival trait, technology will allow humans to live seemingly indefinitely. Bio-nanotechnology, genetics, and many other areas of science will allow for the integration of synthetic life forms into our own species, causing new traits to be favored genetically. People would have much more to live for regardless of their age. With more to look forward to, one would tend not to want to sacrifice their life as easily as before and the trait for sacrificial behavior could gradually be eliminated. In a sense, technology may have the potential to cure our species of this genetic virus.
Self sacrificial behavior has spread throughout our species since an early time. It is the kind of thinking which encourages many people to “fight for your country”, grab a gun and join the army, or perhaps strap some bombs to one’s chest. This trait might actually be something more horrible than it first seems to be, keeping the human race in a never ending, self-destructive limbo of hostility. Perhaps in the future, such behavior will not be favored and eliminated; or perhaps the virus will evolve into something incurable. Maybe it already has.
Posted by Austin Day on 5/18/04; 11:42:04 AM
from the dept.
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| Monday, May 17, 2004
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Mmmm...welll, I didn't see the whole speech as very entertaining or educational, or ... much of anything. But that's probably because I kind of tune out the speaker if I sense overwhelming bias, such as the "emotional" descriptions that lady (forgot her name) used a lot. By using such speech, I feel that the speaker loses all credibility because she is obviously bias towards one side. I wonder if it is even possible for an unbias speaker to exist? The only kinds I could think of would be lectures on physics or math or other science related topics. Anything about history is going to be descriptive for one side or another. Anything about popular culture or politics is going to have someone's opinion embedded into it. Ah, I dunno, that's just why I don't like the politics and popular culture and I kind of cling to science; it is the only thing that I can be sure won't try to distort the facts (at least most of the time...some of those "scientists" try to "bend" their data so they can publish or get funding or something...but at least the good ones try to be unbiased). That kind of reminded me of a concert I went to. It was performed by no FX, and was called "rock against Bush". They played a couple songs, then they had this “speaker” come out to spread their political views to the many punk rockers in the audience, who were wearing spikes, 2 foot long hair spikes and such accessories. They even had a place in the back where people could register to vote. Well anyways…this speaker talking for about an HOUR. All he said was that “bush is a dumbass” and that he’s “fucking stupid” and that we shouldn’t like his administration because it is run by a “dick, a colon, and a bush”. Yea…well…pretty strong arguments. However, I didn’t hear a single reason for why he thought the way he thought. I got the impression that he was just “speaking in a language that the audience will understand.” And by doing so, I felt, was making fun of the audience for their lack of intelligence and ability to comprehend real politics. This went on for an HOUR. I sure hope that this kind of message isn’t affective, because if it is, then he has successfully convinced a group of people to believe something based purely on emotion and no facts whatsoever. But even thought I hope it isn’t true, I fear that it did work. I mean…the stereotypical people who go to these kinds of concerts usually won’t care about facts, and they’ll merely respond to decisions based on previous emotional responses. They’re just vote against bush either because they believed that speaker, or they’ll just link that horrible feeling during that one hour “speech” with the various references to Bush. Aw well…that’s life.
Posted by Austin Day on 5/17/04; 7:12:59 PM
from the dept.
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| Wednesday, May 5, 2004
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Okay, this is my “natural” blog. Either like it or shut up. This blog entry isn’t really meant to be analyzed and whipped back at me showing my how stupid, arrogant, or selfish I am, or whatever else can be conjured up and applied to me. This is just me and my short life story,(and when I say life, I mean high school - college mental states), as I see it, in the purest language of the ID I can produce. Basically I'm just talking out of my ass.
This is not really a response to Kaitie’s blog, but I got the idea about writing about this from her blog entry. So it’s more like the “AUSTIN VERSION!” of it, and a bit more in depth.
Before I give my life story, I would like to acknowledge in advance that everything I complain about is probably, in one way of another, my fault. But this might also clarify my thinking towards life and school somewhat, as I’m sure all of your were just DYING to know.
College crap. Not fun stuff. It all starts freshman year. Okay, we’re in high school. I’m just hanging out, taking those classes those counselors gave me. I didn’t know what the crap I was doing. Nobody told me to join clubs, that I needed to be involved, and I needed to get good grades. Sophomore year, the classes are starting to split up a little. All my friends were going to take “honors” courses and crap, so what the hell, I did too. (one of my greatest fears: being left behind.) Okay, this is fun. I finally find out about a few clubs, hey, pretty cool. Junior year, yea, stuff is starting to get a little tough. AP classes and crap like that. Senior year was HELL. (If you believe in that kind of thing, well, then I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, imagine going down a slide made of rusty razor blades, naked, with nobody but a rabid money sitting on your face, gnawing at your eyelids and pulling out your hair, to keep you company. And at the bottom of the slide is a tub of rotting feces in lemon juice.) Okay, well, senior year. Yea, I started out doing that application stuff. “Crap man! What kind of a GPA do we need?!” all that stuff sucked. 3.4, it wasn’t that great, I know, I should have done better. I spend so much time on my application essays, thinking that I could possibly make up for that with my writing. Bah. Okay, so I sent in my applications on the first day they started accepting them. (4 UCs, 1 state school, and 3 private schools, because everyone always says that you should at least apply to a couple uber, super duper schools, just as a gamble.) An GARGH!! Those damn SATs. I have a bone to pick with that system, but I don’t know why! I am terrible at taking tests. That’s not an excuse, I FREAK OUT, if I feel as if someone is watching me, expecting something from me, waiting for me, and especially if I’m under a time constraint. Oh, how convenient, all of those at once! Lovely things, SATs.
To clarify my FREAKING out-ness, for example, I was practicing for a physics test last week and I was doing them on the white board I have at home. I go though looking for those hard questions. “Ooooh, come one Mr. 3 star question, show me what you got! Yea, that’s right bitch, I own you!” Yea, I’m doing fine. My dad comes down and I write another problem on the board. Ohh, this kind of problem, yea, no problem. I hesitate while I absorb the question. At that point my dad suggests something. He’s helping me solve the problem. AH CRAP. “Oh, if you find the relationship between these two quantities…blah blah … “ AAHHh, he is watching me. I freeze. I sit there staring at the problem, which I have probably solved twice before in my previous physics class, and close to a BILLION times in my calculus classes, but for some reason…nothing! AHH!! There is a link, why can’t I see it?! I don’t know what to write. I can’t stop thinking about what he is expecting me to write on the board. AHH!! What to do!? We just sit there staring at this two star question, waiting for the other to move. I can’t think! What is wrong! Its just like on those damn tests! SATs and stuff. Yea, everything is easy, then when I get to a “hard” question, I’m too busy staring at the problem, thinking about how my life will be ruined if I am unable to solve the problem that I’m looking at right now. AAHH!!, then the time is up! I don’t understand! Perhaps everyone has this problem…but it’s a really annoying problem!!!
Sat: 1240, Act: 31, Math IIC: 710, bio: 650, Spanish listening: 690, writing: 660. What a bunch of crap. People kept telling me that these numbers aren’t that bad… Well considering how they got me rejected by every school I applied to, I was convinced that they were a bunch of CRAP! What really pissed my off were those people who “played the system”. I know of one such a guy who took all those retarded classes (well, not literally for retards) and got a high gpa! And this guy was a jerk. An asshole! He was the kind of guy who you know you want to punch by hearing the sound of his voice! His mother was sooo involved with the school though, and he got all these scholarships and crap…Aahh!! Doesn’t seem fair to me! Oh, some of them, they never saw a glimpse of an AP class in their life, yet they can get into some of the schools I got my ass rejected from. ARGH! I don’t want to sound arrogant or something…but I deserved to get into at LEAST Cal Poly!! Freaking cal poly…With all that crap I did, not even cal poly. Those bastards! Oh, and crap, I did do crap. Spanish club officer 3 years, math club president, class officer 1 year, balie folklorico 2 years, key club division d12W secretary, member 3 years, interact 1 year, French club 1 year, track and field 3 years MVP, cross country 3 years MVP, science club 1 year, Ap comp sci, ap english, ap calc, ap us history, ap gov, ap spanish literature, ap spanish language, for what?! A bunch of crap that turned out to be. My conclusion: GPA AND SATS ARE WORTH A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN I THOUGHT! They don’t give a shit about extra stuff, unless you’re known internationally, doesn’t even matter what. International president for some club, or international naked water skiing champion, its all the same crap I bet.
Ah…so rejection after rejection came in. I started wondering what the beginning of an acceptance letter would look like. (Unless you consider that automated e-mail you get when you apply to de anza) ARGH! Worked so hard, for what?! That’s all I thought, work hard = good things happen? Nah, you gotta work the system! You need strategy! And damn, I had none of that. Okay, so kinda pissed at yearbook teacher. That damn pedophile. Oh, okay, so I get suckered into taking a yearbook class (Because I’m known as “the computer guy” at my school.) Which isn’t good at all. I wasn’t even the like…”smart’ computer, I was the guy people came to when they wanted things, advice, how to fix their hopeless computers, all that crap. Okay, well I get into that class and he puts me to work on their crappy as computers. I had to replace the parts out of my own pocket because that cheap ass serial butt rapist wouldn’t pay me back. Oh, did I mention that the grade in the class was based on how many ads you can sell? Yea, you can basically smear your poop on a paper as an article, but as long as you can sell 400 dollars worth of ads, you got an A. Okay, so I had to renetwork their computers, and set them up with the internet again because those idiots don’t know crap about anything having to do with anything other than that third party layout program they use. Right, so he wouldn’t pay me back, so I ask him if I can just use that money he owes me for ads. Yea, okay, so I still get a B. That bastard. People like him shouldn’t breed, but too late, his kids are dumbasses as well. Well, at least half, I don’t know about the wife, but someone who would marry that guy…I don’t know about her. Anyway, those damn yearbook people.
Right back to what else attributed to the hell of senior year. Well, having to take a placement test for de anza English in the cafeteria with a bunch of those people who like to scream in the halls. Those people who always yell “Hey Hoe! What the fuck are you doing out of class bitch!?” during class time. Okay, so I half ass the multiple choice and I write an essay about how the topic of the essay is fucking stupid. Alright, so I’m placed into the highest English class I can get into, wonderful. Yea, okay, so after getting rejected everywhere, one of our classmates dies in car accident on her way to a religious retreat. Wow, that god sure does have a sense of humor huh? She was in 3 of my classes and tutored me in French for the semester I took it. I also helped her in Spanish for the year she took it. Well, actually, not really a year, considering how she fucking died. She was more involved than I was in clubs and activities, and she had worked much harder than I have, I must admit. Perhaps she chose the wrong god huh? Or maybe that god is just some sick kid who is sprinkling salt on a snail, which so happens to be on top of my eyeball, while simultaneously burning off the limbs of ants with a spiffy new 1000X magnifying glass in his other hand. Or…there is none. Well, our administration (so didn’t even know how to pronounce her name correctly) so graciously allows the students one night to prepare a memorial service for her. My friend and I stayed up all night, and were even late to school the next day preparing the slide show for the service. Oh, and I hear that it would be illegal for me to drive because of the lack of sleep, however my math teacher thought that we were in good enough condition for a math test, how thoughtful.
Okay, so this sucks, no college, everyone is sad. And on top of all that , that bitch of a date I asked to prom…well…she was a bitch! “Oh, I think that every guy on the face of the earth love my ugly ass, so I’m going to treat them like crap so they know that I’m not interested, (when she actually was…in me! How disgusting!) That bitch! Treats me like crap. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I told her fat face that I wasn’t going to take it anymore. Oh, she was sorry, and she would change. Nope, nothing. Complained some more. Not a chance she would change, perhaps be nice to me like she used to, before I had asked her!, oh, but no. that cycle continued for most of the summer until I finally told her to just piss off (well, not those exact words, I’m feeling kind of British right now, don’t’ know why) because I was going to be staying here another two years (she is a year younger than I) and I didn’t want to have to deal with her anymore.
Okay, moral of my story. GPA and SATS are important. Work the system or be screwed. There is no god, or if there is, he/she is a god-damned bitch whore who has a terrible sense of humor and horrible organizational skills. Everyone is going to use you until you fight back. Nobody will stick up for you unless you do first. Very dumb people can somehow manage to get into high positions.
Yet despite all this I complain about, I still see life as infinitely better than none at all. I’d rather live a life of being tortured than to live none at all, for at least I’d be feeling something. The only thing that drives me is the desire to survive and experience what I haven’t experienced. That is the reason for my educational goals (A goal which I did not figure out until it was too late to rectify my gpa mistakes in high school) and it is the way that I live. Which is another reason I’m pissed, I want to experience this college life as well. I’m sick of staying at home all day, repeating this pattern day in and day out. I feel as if I’m wasting a good chunk of my young life doing nothing!
However, reading Jenn’s blog, I was inclined to think about what I would be like if I had gone to a UC right away. I wouldn’t have worked hard, that’s for sure. I would have learned that the amount of effort I had been putting out was enough, and that I didn’t have to work that hard. I would probably be having a lot more fun, but I wouldn’t have the mental capacity that I do now to spend hours on end studying and doing homework. I probably wouldn’t have the power to question others’ ideas and express my own (a skill I learned mainly from Lovas’ classes, and something that I realize now I was greatly lacking in the past) This skill will prove to be very valuable to me in the future. It makes me think that I would not have been prepared had I gone straight to a UC mentally. However, I’m sure that I would be getting a better education in the sciences and math had I gone to a UC. So I don’t know which is better. Seeming how I had no choice, I would have to say that it is irrelevant now.
What the crap did I just talk about? I don’t even want to proof read that crap, it seems so long and pointless. Ummm…sorry for the “ranting”, (that seems to be a popular word lately) mmm… have a nice day.
Posted by Austin Day on 5/5/04; 6:29:40 PM
from the dept.
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| Friday, April 30, 2004
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PHew.....okay...my original plan was to respond to the response that dyson gave to Michael's response about Dysons' blogie thingie. At first, I tried organizing my arguement and everything by using quotes from them which I don't agree with and give my point of view. However, to avoid misinterpreting quotes (as I'm sure I do a lot), and repeating arguements made, I'll just tell you about my thoughts on the topic (hah, I'm sure you guys would just LOOOVE to hear me talk about the education system? Well... you have no choice!!)
Okay, so the topic is, SAT and GPA crap, good or bad?
GPA : A measure of how well a student can choose the difficulty level of his classes while keeping in mind his own abilities. (A 4.0 in a bunch of easy classes doesn’t look good, just as a 2.5 in a legion of AP classes does.) I imagine colleges using this number as a measure of how hard the student works. It is a measure of how well the student can please a teacher’s expectations. It is a measure of how quickly and effectively a student can adapt to new teachers and learn what they want and deliver it to them. It is how well one can take in information and spit it back out. (I find math as a slight exception to this, if you have a good math teacher, he’ll make sure you don’t pass until you think for yourself. I only know of one such math teacher at de anza. Mr. Mosh is the best!)
The number itself has no meaning to me without the knowledge of the classes taken. The difficulty of classes taken should be included with any type of GPA to give it any kind of significance.
SATs: I believe they were originally used as a method of choosing students who have a better probability to succeed in college. It isn’t an “intelligence” test, as many people think of it as. It doesn’t measure much of anything we could clearly identify, however, the reason it is used is because there is a proven positive correlation between high SAT scores and measured “success” in college. This is similar to the “laws” of nature. Physicists don’t know why they are the way they are, or how they work, but they are used because they work.
Okay, so in neither of these numbers does the quality of intelligence come into play, which is why geniuses can come from anywhere and not just the top colleges. These two numbers merely predict which students will be hard working and get a degree from their college as quickly as possible. All colleges want is to get kids in and out as quick as possible.
This leaves the me wondering, so then…why do people care so much about getting into a “good” college? I want to do well so that I can have many choices. There are lots of colleges that are “good”, and each is different in some way. I want to eventually do research in labs. And there are differences in the facilities at different schools. Some are better than others; that is a measurable fact. One school can have more equipment than another has, one might be getting more funding than another and can buy more recent supplies. Research is being done in different areas, and some research can only be done in certain labs around the world. So in that sense, I can judge a school on how “good” it is. So I would imagine that people want to go to better schools because they want better materials and supplies. Like someone out there said, TAs teach a lot of the classes at all of these “top” universities, but that’s because the award winning professors are off using their super high tech facilities to do research!!
My goal: To do medical research. In order to do research at its highest possible level, I need to be at the lab of the highest level, measured by its physical contents. It so happens that the best labs are at the colleges which are hard to get into. In order to get into one of these colleges, I need to do well in the things that the colleges judge kids on. Colleges judge kids mainly on SATs and GPAs. To get a good GPA and SAT doesn’t require intelligence. So really, intelligence isn’t really needed until the goal is met. The process of getting to the goal, I feel, impedes the development of intelligence and learning, which is why I don’t like it. However, that is the way things are and I either play by the rules or I don’t.
Mmm…is also brings into question what intelligence is? Anyone care to take that one on
Posted by Austin Day on 4/30/04; 4:25:56 PM
from the dept.
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| Thursday, April 29, 2004
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I want a right mouse button!!!
Posted by Austin Day on 4/29/04; 3:37:14 PM
from the dept.
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| Tuesday, April 27, 2004
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Present Day Prophets
Prophecies have more meaning than we give them credit for by far! Certain individuals who have a superior understanding of the cause and effect relationship that is inherent in this world due to long traditions and experience are not pure myth. Just as weather forecasts are based upon scientific analysis, prophets have similar methods of making predictions and should be treated in higher regard then they currently are.
Just as the weather is predicted using satellite images, wind patterns, and previous experience, prophets can use objective information to reach their conclusions as well. Even the prophecies made in “mythical” stories, such as The Odyssey, can be explained through a series of logical, objective ideas. For example: Two eagles are used by a prophet to predict the return of Odysseus. First off, the prophet who made this prediction was obviously a well learned person, as prophets typically are. In this case, the prophet must have analyzed the flapping and gliding patterns of the eagles. The pattern of the flapping of the wings is directly affected by the turbulence of the surrounding air. If the prophet had a keen eye, he could also use the pattern of movement of the individual feathers to assist in the prediction, but for sake of keeping this analysis simple, let’s assume that didn’t happen. The surrounding wind currents are displaced and their position is affected by the things they have previously been in contact with. Thus, it is possible that based on the patterns of wind, which affects the eagle’s trajectory, one can extrapolate the position of potentially all matter on the face of the earth, including Odysseus’ body, and therefore his whereabouts. Odysseus, having a very muscular physique and god like features shouldn’t be hard at all for an experienced prophet to distinguish. By analyzing the birds for anything more than an instant of time, which is almost unavoidable, Odysseus’ average velocity can be calculated, and with that, the prediction is made. This method of prediction is very powerful for it can be used to explain, scientifically, just about any kind of prediction which anybody can make. However, you must make sure to trust only real prophets.
Just because the methods used to reach a prophecy or prediction aren’t understood doesn’t necessarily mean they are wrong. The many years of experience which prophets have has simply enabled them to make predictions based on potentially verifiable experiments which even our current experts on theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, theoretical mathematics, string theory, astrophysics, and molecular engineering can’t even begin to comprehend even after spending so much of their lives acquiring knowledge. Prophets should be praised and given shelter, respect, and sustenance for sharing such an elevated level of understanding with the rest of us. “Insights from folk practices have been documented by modern scientific methods.” This quote suggests that our current day “science” is only just breaking the surface on understanding abilities of the seemingly immeasurable experience these prophets have in their arsenal of prediction ability, which is feasible noting how prophecy has been around much longer than “scientific methods” have.
It is no wonder prophets were so well respected before the idea of “science” back in the days of Greek and Roman mythology. Why else would prophets be kept by kings in luxury and comfort and esteemed by the common folk if not for their superior ability to deduce future events based on events in the present? Logically, if a mutation gives an organism a reproductive advantage, it will flourish, just as the theory of evolution predicts. In this case, because these prophets were so accurate in their predictions, the tradition of prophecy has continued to exist until today. However, many prophets have been pushed aside because of “the scientific method, data, testability,” and other excuses the scientific community uses to diminish the status of our modern prophets. That bum at the corner holding up the cardboard sign that says “The End is Near” is trying to convey a message that only his heightened sense can warn the public about. However, because of our “science”, people won’t listen to such predictions which might lead to our eternal damnation, which I for one believe to be something of great importance. Furthermore, some prophets, who have been shunned by society so much, have given up their noble quest to verbally inform the public in person and have resorted to writing books on their prophetic abilities, some of which can be purchased for around $29.95 at any local book store. Other prophets such as Miss Cleo and various other phone prophets are doing their best to offer their services free for the first five minutes and for only $2.99 a minute after that; but because science has made society look down upon these profits, the important messages they are trying to share aren’t getting the attention they need to divert potentially devastating events.
Nostradamus is a well known prophet of the 16th century who died in 1566. He is known to have written his predictions in cryptic quatrains. Some might argue “Well, aren’t the prophecies always cryptic? They are made that way on purpose so they can be interpreted in many different broad ways, one of which may turn out to be right.” Yes, prophecies are usually cryptic, but they are made such a way for a reason. If they weren’t cryptic, then the outcome of the prophecy would be affected by the prophecy itself. This can be explained as being similar to the Heisenberg uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics. The principle states that nature does not allow one to know both the exact position and velocity of any particle of matter at the same time. This leads to uncertainty in the “prediction” of where it is going to be at a specific instant in time. In the same way, prophets have to be cryptic to balance accuracy as perceived before and after the event. This keeps their predictions in compliance with the laws of quantum mechanics. A prophet can either be accurate in his prediction, or the prediction can be easy to interpret in advance, but nature does not allow both, much as position and velocity cannot be known at the same time. But perhaps if we had given more attention to prophets, maybe if they would receive national funding and research were done on them, we could have changed horrific events, for example, 9/11, which were predicted so clearly now that we look back on them.
"In the City of God there will be a great thunder,
Two brothers torn apart by Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb",
The third big war will begin when the big city is burning"
- Nostradamus 1654
So are prophecies as far off from “scientific predictions” as we make them seem? Prophecies have just as good a scientific basis as weather predictions, which we all on the average accept as true. Therefore I challenge you to prove me wrong. Show me your new “scientific evidence”, and I will repeat mine.
Posted by Austin Day on 4/27/04; 10:53:18 AM
from the dept.
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| Monday, April 26, 2004
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2) While this much sound nice rhetorically, it doesn’t hold logically. If your SAT and GPA doesn’t matter as a student, then what matters? Your SAT/GPA stand for what you have accomplished and what you should accomplish. Imagine how much students would learn if the teachers did not give grades. They would learn absolutely nothing. And if you say that you are doing something because of your love of learning, you are probably lying. The SAT/GPA needs to be there to motivate.
-From Dyson's Blog
"If your SAT and GPA doesn't matter ... then what matters?"
Well...I would think how much you learn would matter more than a couple of numbers do. I think that learning stuff is the whole point of going to school. I hate the idea of grades and SAT's and I have no doubt in my mind that if such things were removed from the school system, at least I would learn much more. (On an idealistic side note, if such a thing could be worked out, it would be much better to allow all student to go to any college that they choose, but if you weren't able to "hang" with the others, then you would flunk out, easy as that.) Throughout high school, I had the idea that if I worked hard and learned what I could, that I would be noticed and appreciated for what I did. However, this is not the case, and I have suffered greatly for my misunderstanding. I have learned now that all that matters for getting into a college are GPAs and test scores. I learned a lot in high school, but at the expense of my grades. Now that I have to go through junior college to achieve my high educational goals, I'm worried about what I am doing to myself. All that I seem to care about now is my GPA, and although I'm doing rather well in that area, I'm absolutely sure that I am learning less. For example: In math, why learn the derivations and understanding behind the material if all I need to do is memorize a couple equations? That's what I did, and it worked. However, if you ask me about anything that is slightly different than what we did in class, I would be hard pressed to help you out. But why don't I take my time and learn it? Well...that come down to only having one life and limited amount of time. I'm taking as many classes as I can manage to pull off an A in all at once, but in order to do so, I have to sacrifice learning the material. And why do I want to get out of De Anza so quickly? Well...although this is not true for my 1B and 1C english class (I'm not just saying that to protect myself! If I thought Lovas' class sucked, then I would say so! Very loudly at that! However, these english classes are the very best that I've encountered; partly because it allows to me say stuff like this!) but the other subjects here at de anza, well...they suck! Math is a joke, physics is a waste of time, and I haven't heard high marks about the other general education classes. Again, because of my high educational goals, I want the highest education I can possibly get, and in order to do that, I need to get out of here as quick as possible. Technically I have finished calculus, but I sure don't feel like I did. Because I am too worried about my grades because of a previous experience, I find myself memorizing equations, numbers, words, and learning how to spit them back out instead of digesting them and pooping them out like they should be. Another example is my friend: He didn't have good grades and still doesn't have good grades. But he is a very smart guy, if not a genious, and because of that, the teachers have noticed him. He's at ucsc right now, but he's been offered admission to Princeton where he can skip his general education and go straight for a PhD in mathematics.
As for saying that I am lying by saying that I love to learn, you are far from the truth. In fact, learning is all that I live for. I see nothing else worth living for. I am curious about things, what is going to happen, what is happening, and that is what drives me to continue being. My educational goals are based around that. It really depends on how you define "love" also, for I've heard that no one definition is adequate. But if my desire to learn is not driven by the "love of learning", then it must be something more powerful and the "all ineffable" power of love.
If one needs a threatening GPA or SAT hanging over them to make them work, then I express my sorrow for him/her becasue obviously, he or she has more imporant things to worry about like which actress is getting married to who, or who is pregnant, or which singer raped which little kid. I've noticed an analogy between that and religion just now! I mean...isn't the threat of a punishment worse than death (going to hell) the thing that is looming over the peoples' lives, "motivating" them to live good lives and to be good people? For what would these people be doing if no such threat wre present? I feel that I don't need this kind of threat to live a good life, which is also similar to my idea that I don't need grades or SATs to learn. But for those that do, it is a good system that keeps them in line, which is why I have to say that I respect the religions of the world and (to a MUCH less extent) the education system.
Anyway...bottom line here.
"Don't let grades get in the way of your education."
Posted by Austin Day on 4/26/04; 8:51:04 PM
from the dept.
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| Tuesday, April 20, 2004
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Okay, I'm just messing around with some settings again. If anyone knows how to fix this wrapping thingie, could you pleeease let me know?? it would be greatly appreciated!! As for the music, hehe, its the theme song from some 80's show that I've had stuck in my head for years and years that I just recently found the title of. Muhwawa, so now I force you to listen to it!!! until I can figure things out that is...
I'm gonna be changing music everytime I change moods, so bear with me.
Posted by Austin Day on 4/20/04; 11:25:59 PM
from the dept.
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| Friday, March 12, 2004
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I'm not sure if I'm supposed to blog about that play thingie, but here goes.
Like I said in class, I didn't understand any of it while "reading" the play. (I use quotes because I read along while the computer read it aloud to me) By doing so, I guess it did get rid of a lot of expression and emotion in the play. I didn't know that the jokes were actually funny! that surprised me. Well, if you can consider them jokes. He can make pretty "witty" comments and lines. Oooh, that that beatrice lady, hah, she isn't that bad looking either! muhwawa Well...at least she's better looking than that hero character. What was the director thinking!?! yech! Benedict has a lot more "humph!", oh, and beatrice also. She's pretty spunky, I don't know if that much spunk would be a positive trait. And Claudio! He's such a little baby! "Whhhaaa, that prince guy stole my woman, so I'm just gonna stand here and now say anything while everyone is asking me what's wrong." Why didn't he just go get her in the first place! It didn't seem like she was that hard to "woo", hah. Maybe I'm just not getting the time period, but how can someone capture someone's heart....then...give it to someone else?! aw well...other than that, good play, liked it.
Have a nice day!
Posted by Austin Day on 3/12/04; 5:31:54 PM
from the dept.
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| Thursday, March 11, 2004
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I don't know what to research!!!! The paper is due on wednesday!!! WWHY DID I HAVE TO PICK CISNEROS?! I've looked at a bunch of websites, and so I found out from interviews that she doesn't like to base her characters on her own life and that she uses other people she knows so that people won't attribute the character's lives as a story of her own. Some people call her a feminist (I could have told you that, muhhwawA), she has 7 brothers who expect her to he the traditional mexican woman, so in a way she describes it has having 8 fathers. She had to make many trips becasue her father's mother lived in Mexico. She took up reading and writing poetry at a young age. She then went to college and wrote stuff. She is most known for her story A house on Mango Street, she feels that she is directing her writing towards a "world reader", and not specifically for mexicans like many may think. She lives alone with pets.
So what can I write about?!! I can't make seven pages with any point out of this stuff! I can't find anything else that has to do with Cisneros! She is too new to have biographies out. The biography on her website is really a promotion for her books with a little information about her life. I have no thesis!! This is impossible!!! Can I still get an A in english if I totally screw up on his essay?!!? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!1111111111 I"M FREAKIN OUTT!!!! HEEELPPP!!!!!
Posted by Austin Day on 3/11/04; 7:12:08 PM
from the dept.
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| Saturday, March 6, 2004
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Es doce y media de la madrugada. Y ahora, no se porque, pero quiero hablar en espanol. No he usado el espanol hace mucho tiempo y quiero ver si yo puedo esbribir algo que algiuen puede comprender. Y tambien, soy cansado, y por eso, quiero hablar en espanol. ... pues...adios!
Posted by Austin Day on 3/6/04; 12:35:45 AM
from the dept.
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(From Jenn's blog)
"It is illegal to sell vibrators in following states: Alabama, Texas, Ohio, Georgia and Arkansas. If you are caught with intent to sell, you could receive a ten thousand dollar fine and face up to one year of hard labor. It is totally legal to sell guns in all of these states.
We have yet to hear of a mass murder committed with a vibrator."
The Vagina Monologues Hahaha, this is great. Its just another example of how screwed up our government is. But what fuels this screwiness? If people like me were put into power, I'd let the public have all the vibrators they want! however, because those leaders want to look civilized, pure, and noble, they wouldn't dream of helping horny, lonely women give themselves pleasure. Hah, well, if I were in power, there would be a lot more changes other than just that. Progress and logical thinking are always being held back by people trying to look purer than the other. Stem cell research, cloning, gay marriages, abortion. Ooooh, we can't play god because that would....well, I'm religious and the majority of the voters are too, so if I didn't say that I wouldn't be here. The public doesn't know what the hell they are doing. Grrr, stupid people in large groups. And we can't allow biotech research because that would...make things unnatural? Gah! Politics are getting in the way of my progress!! Why the heck do people care if gay people get married?! Why don't they just put them all in a big cage and watch them fight to the death, that'll solve everything. If they aren't hurting anyone else, then let them do whatever the crap they want! It's because people have an idea of what is truely right and universally benificial and they want everyone else to abide by what they think, but they're too damn stupid to realize how illogical they're being! Don't have much of an opinion on abortion though. but it seems to me that experience as a human is what makes a living thing a human. If it aint' born yet, well, then it ain't a human. Experience makes the person. that's basically all we are, we're bodies filled with past experience. Without that experience, we're just bodies. mmm...haha, I got all that from statement about vibrators. ...
Posted by Austin Day on 3/6/04; 12:19:47 AM
from the dept.
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| Wednesday, March 3, 2004
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Well, because I haven’t spent much time in that library looking around for stuff other than chemistry books, I did learn where a lot of stuff that I would find interesting is. For example, they have like 3 years worth of Science magazines!! And if they have nature, that would be cool also. I’ll have to go back and check it out. I didn’t know where the dictionaries or the encyclopedias are, but now I do! Mmmm….I also learned that we are allowed behind that front desk place to looks at those books in the back, that might come in handy.
Posted by Austin Day on 3/3/04; 2:23:59 PM
from the dept.
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| Sunday, February 29, 2004
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Ah, what luck. I sign surf on before I go to bed and now I have to write what I'm thinking at the moment. Well....I'm kind of sleepy. Oh, but that carpe diem thing kind of reminds me of track. I'd always be telling myself that since I'm dedicating a couple hours everyday to train, that I might as well train as hard as I can so I don't waste the time. I didn't really like how some people would slack off during practice; the way I see it is that since we're going to be out there for a set period of time, doing anything less than your best would be a waste of time. Ohhhh, but the workouts where the faster you run the sooner you get to go, now THOSE are workouts. (especially in cross country, and even more especially when there is a home game of girls field hockey waiting for you when you get back). ah....well..sleep now. Gnight!
Posted by Austin Day on 2/29/04; 11:58:35 PM
from the dept.
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| Wednesday, February 25, 2004
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was this the poem we're supposed to write about? Aw well, I'm going to respond to it anyway.
Pretty cool poem, I think. The message may not be the brightest, but in some ways I agree. (If I understood the poem correctly). The way I see it. Man finds dear. Dear is dead. Man discovers fawn in dear. Man thinks. Man doesn't save fawn. Man pushes dear and fawn over cliff.
Okay, so is the man deciding for the fawn (that is a baby dear right...?) what would be the best choice? It says "I thought hard for us all". I'm thinking that all would be him and the fawn. Maybe its also refering to everyone else in this world, but either would work. So he decides that the dear shouldn't come into this world because its a mean place where dear get run over. Or perhaps its a message about abortion. Its kinda like a fetus, is it a fawn yet? does it deserve the rights of a fawn before it's born? ..but I dont' know if abortion was an issue in 1962 when this was written. (not good at history...)
Posted by Austin Day on 2/25/04; 9:23:42 PM
from the dept.
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I choose Turtle Soup as my poem because simply, it sounded like a title that would lead to a short, simple, and interesting message, or maybe it was my hunger choosing. Compared to the other poems, Turtle Soup is one of the shorter poems. Aside from these superficial attractions to this poem, I also felt as if I understood what the poem was saying (because part of it is simple enough...I think), but it also leaves me with a little confusion. Compared to most other poems which leave me totally confused. What I see this poem as is a comparison of the "old" or the "experienced" in a good context and a bad context. The mother doesn't see the old experience as something which should be respected and cooks it. The other person in the story "you" according to the author, defends the good side of the experience. If I'm at least kind of right about that, then I've got part of the simple part of this poem down. That last part still leaves me confused, that part with the "made in Hong Kong" thing. Yea...don't get that... But didn't someone say that a good poem will leave you confused, then later when I'm trying to take a math test or something the answer will pop up and get in the way?
I wonder what turtle tastes like? Probably like chicken huh...?
Posted by Austin Day on 2/25/04; 12:20:04 AM
from the dept.
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| Wednesday, February 18, 2004
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Ah, today Mr. Lovas said that we stopped talking becasue religion is a "taboo" topic. I'll talk about anything! I love taboo topics! (Ask me anything!!) But I couldn't argue with anything about those poems today because both presume that there is a god, then asks why each god is either nice or not nice. I would say that the reason they think there is a nice god and a not so nice god is becasue its all chance and that there isn't anything there to be bad or nice. But that is just my personal belief that there isn't a god and that this "god" figure is just a way to keep the people in order, somewhat of a survival trait as well. And based on my early arguements that there was not god, I've realized that neither side can ever be proven correct, so I stopped trying to argue that point. When I argue, I try to get them to admit that there might be a possibility that there isn't a god. (This is why I need reeeeeeally um...."dedicated" religious people to have fun arguements)
OOooooh, but religion is definantly not a taboo topic for me. I've been in many a good arguement with my religious friends. But I have to find the right person in order to have a really fun arguement. (Haha, mormonds (how you spell that?) are good ones. Certain christians aren't that bad either)
But yea, my personal opinion that there isnt' a god is based on the stupid idea that you have to believe in him in order to go to this heaven place. I mean...is that it? You can live your whole life killing, raping, destroying, making the life of every other human being miserable, but if you believe in him before you die, you get to be rewarded. Whereas if you live your whole life in fear of going to hell and help all the people you meet, raise money and dedicate your life to helping others, but you can't get yourself to believe that there is a god...or jesus or whatever, then you gonna burn. (This is what I've pieced together from many encounters with my religious friends, but if I'm wrong, please let me know, but I'm pretty sure that its something like that) That seems very unfair to me, so even if that were the case and everything is true, I'd much rather go to hell and plot to destroy that dictator up top. Also, didn't satan lose that war with god or something? Or was that just a fabrication of paradise lost? I dunno, but it seems that the person who won is the one who wrote out the history. Maybe that is bias towards one side? Maybe?? I sure seems that way! If satan won, I'm sure that it'd be written a bit differently. And All that fire and pain that they say is in hell seems very targeted towards humans also. In fact, I think that the entire religious thing is all targeted towards one group of humans. I mean, what does religion do? It puts people together into groups that have similar ideas, whether those ideas be freely accepted or programmed into them as children from their first sunday school lesson. People who come together in groups tend to survive and reproduce more than the people who live off alone. It helps the individuals. It comforts them, it supports them, it does for them all the things that they say their god can do. So over the years, that is why religion is still alive and well. but I think that religion is also a good thing because it keeps a lot of people in line where they otherwise wouldn't be. I think that if most people didn't have that idea of a hell floating above all of their actions, they would be prone to do much more barbaric, impulsive things. Religion keeps those people in line. I gotta go study for biology right now though, but if any of your are even slightly interested in what I have to say, please ask me offensive questions, accuse me of something, or ya know, whatever makes life interesting.
A little quote I made up. It kinda makes sense if you think how I do.
"Humans are simply animals with religion."
Posted by Austin Day on 2/18/04; 9:25:46 PM
from the dept.
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| Tuesday, February 17, 2004
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Kay, well I'm still not sure about how to reply to things where they were said, so I'll post it here and hope it gets back. But anyway, about that lesbian thing.
"However, I wouldn’t be surprised if she were a vegetarian, tree hugger, animal rights activist, feminist, or a lesbian either."
I take back the lesbian part, (I suppose it was fueled by my dislike for the poetry, and it probably made sense to me at the time. Also, you're right about that mental lesbian/feminist connection that "society" has put on us. I guess I might have been writing too fast to realize that it didn't make sense. ... and perhaps its also due to my subconscious desire to argue. muhwhawhwawawaw)
But the main idea I was trying to get across with the other 5 "labels" was that those are people who believe in "noble" causes. (Plus, I thought feminism was the belief that all things should be equal, not just women's rights) I was just trying to describe her as someone who tries towards something that I don't believe is possible, practical, or logical. From my point of view, people who "believe" in helping their causes aren't doing so because they have "pure" intentions. It seems to me that they are doing it for something else, which I called the "taboo motivations". What I mean by this is like...mmm...they are only doing it for primary or possibly even secondary reinforcers, but they hide that goal with the "noble" one which they share with the public. I'm not saying that such people who truely don't have selfish desires don't exist, I just think that they're a lot more rare than we believe. What I got from the poetry reading was that she is doing it to promote her political belief (Oooohhh, and I don't like politicians. BBboooooooOO!!) and that her motivations aren't pure. I just don't like the idea of someone trying to impose their beliefs on others. (Which has gotten me into many a fun arguement with many religious friends.) (and by the way, I NEVER argue that there is no god, I argue that there is a possibility that there is no god. But that never seems to be good enough...) ooh,... good times. Yea...well, I really did stray off topic with this post. I'll try to keep more on topic next time.
However, me saying this could also be interpreted as me "imposing" my view that things shouldn't be imposed upon others and is therefore hypocritical.
Ummm....to that I say, well...yea, you're right.
Posted by Austin Day on 2/17/04; 8:23:18 PM
from the dept.
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Dejection
By Austin Day
Awww CRAP!
Posted by Austin Day on 2/17/04; 7:19:10 PM
from the dept.
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| Wednesday, February 11, 2004
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Maybe it was just me, but I thought that the stuff that she said was a least a little iffy. Here are some quotes that I took notes on while she was talking.
#1 "people being punished for weapons of mass destruction which didn't exist in their country."
#2 Says that she wants to make it "not a setreotype." (Doesn't like stereotypes.)
#3 "I don't think Americans can understand what it's like to be under this horrible..horrible..every day..."
(Talking about after 9/11)
{
#4 "If you're Arab they attack you, if you're muslim they attack you, if you're dark Italian they'll attack you."
#5 "And that is why we elected Bush...oh wait, no we didn't...Bush became president."
}
#6 Calls herself a "free thinker."
All right now. I don’t think she’s a particularly good poet, nor do I think she is benefiting society as a whole with her “activist” attitude. She is hypocritical and bias.
From the way she talks one shouldn’t be surprised to find out that she isn’t a republican. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if she were a vegetarian, tree hugger, animal rights activist, feminist, or a lesbian either. I just don’t see humans as being “good at heart”. People have taboo motivations that drive them.
She described the pain of Muhammad in her poem fairly vividly, and I understand that she is doing that because she is making a statement against the violence. But I thought that the story was very one sided. It was always an Israeli tank running over “the neighbor’s house” or “my school”. She told the story of the Palestinian who suicide bombed a bus to get back at the tanks at which he used to throw rocks at. She made the tanks sound very indifferent, as if they were just wandering around running over schools, and she makes the suicide bomber, who could have killed more than one 12 year old kids on that bus, look like he has no other choice.
She made it clear that she doesn’t like stereotypes, although I didn’t get the first part of the quote, the main idea is there in #2. Yet, she herself then groups Americans into a stereotype saying what she said in #3 and #4. Yes it is true that some people did do bad things after 9/11 towards people who they thought were from that Middle Eastern area, but by saying it the way she did, she is giving an anti-american feeling to her statement.
I’m not one to say if there weren’t any weapons of mass destruction, if there were and still are, of it there were but they were somehow missed or destroyed. I sure don’t’ know enough about the situation to make any arguments for any of them, and I doubt that she, as a poet, does either. In #1, she gives her opinion as a true statement that the weapons of mass destruction didn’t exist.
Well, she is an activist all right, but I don’t approve of activists. What is an activist who can’t get attention from anyone and feels as if her voice isn’t being heard? I’m not sure myself, but I speculate it would be very similar to one of those people who go on shooting rampages and suicide bomb runs.
I don’t think that she is helping with her “activism”. I think that activists are the type who cause problems, rather than proposing a solution to them. She is trying to stop the pain of those who suffer, or so she says. I don’t have enough faith in the “pure” human nature to believe that her main goal is to “stop suffering”. If she had a reality check recently, she would notice that there is no way to stop suffering but to eliminate all life as we know it. There will always be fighting because it is part of our nature. It is a survival trait that humans form groups and defend themselves. This is how countries, tribes, and religion develop. Some major changes would have to occur for humans to change that view, a change that I don’t think is possible in one lifetime.
Or maybe just wants to “help the cause”. What I see that as is fighting against nature and unless she’s incredibly stupid, she must realize that it is pointless. Perhaps she wants attention, popularity, money, fame or some other comfort sought through what she does. There are no such things as pure intentions. There are only less disgusting motivations that can be disguised as pure.
But as for her poetry, it was alright. Didn’t strike me as anything special.
However, I couldn't say it was bad, because it sure got my attention!
mmm…I hope I didn’t stray off topic too much. More importantly, I hope I made sense.
Posted by Austin Day on 2/11/04; 4:02:41 PM
from the dept.
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Yupp yupp yupp, I totally agree with this. An essay is basically an argument. If you just write about something that happened, then it’s a story. If you write up facts, then it is a type of research paper. An essay is something much more in depth. It requires something that wants to be said and arguments to back it up. An essay is a supported argument. The statement: “But opinion is always present. It is at the heart of every essay.” Is very true. That is what makes an essay. I love how the author of this makes an essay out of what an essay is. It’s very creative. I place that in the same category with the blank verse poem with only punctuation. Fairly original. This reminds me of something that one of my friends told me happened at UCSD last quarter. One of their English teachers assigned an “essay” to their students. The topic: “Why?”. Lots of people wrote about why the sky is blue, why the earth isn’t flat, and lots of long drawn out essays. However, one person (I guess he knew this definition of what an essay is) turned in a mostly blank paper with solely the words “Why not?” on the front and got an A.
Posted by Austin Day on 2/11/04; 4:02:06 PM
from the dept.
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I remember one of my friends in my math class. He had learned the material we were learning in Japan and on the test he did it the way he was taught in Japan. He received a bad score on the test although he got every question correct. When he asked the teacher about it, he said it was because he didn’t do it the right way. (That’s prospect for ya…GGggrrrrr….) Although to a much less extent, I had the same problem because I learned some of my math from my dad. This seems to reinforce that “teaching” only gives a student a narrow view of how to do things and doesn’t inspire creativity. Even though my friend knew how to do it a different way, he was still programmed to do it that way. The programming then changed and he was left behind. Perhaps the solution to this is to teach things in many different ways. I suggest specifically for math that each type of problem should be solved in entirely different ways which are all valid. By doing that, you are actually teaching kids the basic building blocks to solving problems, rather than the strict lines that they must imitate. I’ve also had another friend whom I’ve tried to help in math, and she was horrrrrrible. She would memorize every equation and the exact method that the teacher uses to solve each type of problem. But when the problem is changed even slightly, she would be stumped, saying that they never did this kind of problem before. On the tests our teachers would make questions that require this kind of manipulation, which is why she did reeeally badly. But I don’t think that it would be fair to test on that ability, in essence, it is like testing something that the course isn’t on. I suppose the teachers expect the students to learn that ability on their own. I’m using math as my main example, but this can be applied to other subjects just as easily, just like the text for the day described. However, finding a way to teach the basic building blocks of creativity isn’t easy, which is probably why it isn’t done often. It is easier to teach students one way of doing things, just so they are able to do it. If they want to get better at it, then they have to teach themselves.
Posted by Austin Day on 2/11/04; 4:00:18 PM
from the dept.
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I would have to agree with what is being said. When I have to argue with someone (Not that I do that TOO often), I make it a point to understand fully what is being said and I look at it from the opponent's point of view. This is the reading and interpreting part. Only after I have fully reviewed my "enemy's" argument can I then make my own which may or may not be different. On some topics that I have argued with many people, many places, and probably too often (mostly about religion), the argument loses its point because both sides are given the same facts and are drawing different conclusions. In effect, both sides are merely trying to brainwash the other to think like they do, to assimilate another into their way of thinking when objectively no "right" conclusion can be drawn with the limited evidence. My true opinion for situations similar to this is always that not enough data is present to make a valid conclusion, and even if there is, I can still be wrong. However, saying that all the time makes things very dull, so if I can see the majority of the evidence pointing in one direction, I'll just jump on and argue that side. ...Sorry if I strayed off topic, but I think that my argument did have some relevance to the topic, and if you don't think so let me know, then we can argue about it.
Posted by Austin Day on 2/11/04; 3:59:49 PM
from the dept.
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"Am I really your girl?"
"Sure."
"Do you love me?"
"Uh, huh."
"Will you love me always?"
"Sure."
"Will you come over and watch me play indoor?"
"Maybe."
Ah, I just loved this part. It gives me a stereotypical "Hairy-fat-man-sitting on a recliner-with flies circling around him-while drinking a beer in his underwear." kind of image. Except for that its between siblings. This, to me, shows the true nature of being lazy. People can say that they love another as much as they want, but having to do something to show it makes might make us hesitate. Even if one says that he or she may love someone, if one imagines that person coming up to him or her saying "I have a huuuge favor I need to ask from you!", the true nature, which is depicted within this conversation, is the first thought which go into the mind. I think that the mind first says "Something for someone else? I don't get anything out of it, why should I do it?" (From the little I've learned in psyc, I think that's the Id talking.) It takes a short period of time to get the real answer to the surface as the ego and superego start to hack away at the problem. The final conclusion for normal situations is that the answer will be "yes". However, Hemmingway depicts that first natural response in this conversation, which I find funny. But not as funny as before I overanalyzed it.
"Nothing was changed in the town except that the young girls had grown up. But they lived in such a complicated world of already defined alliances and shifing feuds that Krebs did not feel the energy or the courage to break into it."
I liked this quote too, it kind of gives me the idea of being "left behind". That is somehting that I greatly fear myself, so I could kind of relate. I feel that he is felt behind because he had to go off and do something else while everyone that he knew before and would come back to grew up and changed without him. He didn't want to "break into" their lives because he says he lacks the energy. I find this sad and scary because this is analogous to real life. Making friends in a new place (say, a junior college), in which a bunch of people who already have lives of their own are plopped into, is a very fightening thing. That feeling of not being around those who I've grown up with for so long and having them grow up and change without me around is a very frightening thought that I think is depicted within that quote.
Posted by Austin Day on 2/11/04; 3:59:24 PM
from the dept.
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Alright, well, I think that the idea of a "blog" type thing, which is what I assume we are talking about when refering to a read and writing process that spreads out into a "web" or writing.
I think that the idea of having a blog for educational use is great. The first thing I heard and encountered that involved a "blog" type thing were those online journals where people would complain about other people and their life all the time. I can understand how writing in a place where anyone (even the perosn you're talking about) can read it is satisfying, but I thought that was pretty dumb. I've heard many stories where people have written things as if they were the only person who is ever going to read it and what he or she says makes them look bad to others or insults others very greatly. This does open up a kind of honesty, but I don't think that this it the way to do that.
Anyway, back to this blog thing. For education use, I think that it would be great if people actually use it as intended. To get responses back from your writing is what helps the process of learning. If you're in an arguement with someone online, you've gotta learn how to give a written arguement and make sense. If you can get constant input on writing that you don't put much consideration into, such as these spirratic "blogs", and people catch your error and attack it, you can learn very quickly how to correct that error. And I believe that if you can learn how to write quickly and accurately, you will become even better while writing slowly.
mmm...I hope that made sense.
LATER!
Posted by Austin Day on 2/11/04; 3:59:08 PM
from the dept.
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Okay, so what I got from this text is that the yogurt model is saying that students adapt to each other and form a "culture" in which they can efficiently learn. I also got that the movie model is where new students just come in and need to get accustomed to new people every quarter or so and this affects the efficiency of learning.
I agree with the yogurt model in that when students do get more accustomed to each other, they aren’t as shy to let others know what they think and can share their writing and data more freely. However, the quote:
“They should think of themselves as having created a living culture that can continue even when the membership has changed.”
I don’t agree with. When you are put into a new class, you must get used to everyone in the class again and you lose that friendliness. You do, however, get to know some people which you may see again in another class, but for the most part, you are surrounded by mostly new people every class. So what I feel as the real “model” is a combination of the two, the yogurt and the movie model. The skills you gain by interacting with more new people make it easier to do so in the future. But you are set back less and less each quarter because there will be more and more people that you know as you go on and you will get better at getting used to and meeting new people.
Hope that made sense, have a nice day!
Posted by Austin Day on 2/11/04; 3:58:47 PM
from the dept.
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